Although, my sister's details of the events that unfolded in Houston were a very accurate description of the information that we received, I would like to share some additional sentiments. The scans and appointments went very well considering the usual routine, but learning that the PET Scan leaves you Radioactive for a period of time was very disturbing. Somehow, I missed that part with the first two. But at least the news we received were about as hopeful as we could of expected given my situation.
Please understand that I don't mean to sound ungrateful or pessimistic about my roller coaster of emotions, but lately I have had a difficult time comprehending my feelings. One moment I am thankful for all the support and love...and then I have feelings of guilt and bitterness for not feeling deserving of all the humble "gifts". Then I have a moment of clarity that is a realization of how blessed I am to have inspired so many for their amazing words of encouragement and sacrifice. I am a simple man that has complex emotions like everyone else...I love my family, friends, and God, but have a difficult time with organizing what should come first at any given moment. I don't fear death the way I think I should and I am worried that this is a sign of content and will slowly eat away at my will to fight if continued to be challenged. The pressure of such amazing support by so many gives me strength beyond belief, but also compresses the pressure for the obligation to live up to a life that should pave the way for someone with so much love and support. I mean how can you fail if everyone around you gives you all they can offer in support of your battle. What if I don't live up to the expectation? Will there be those that said he could of done more? That is why The Alex Laynor Foundation means so much to me and the possibility of what it could do for others. I feel like this foundation can succeed where I might fail or at least breathe life into another family or families that will benefit from my battle with this disease.
Thank you for allowing me to share some very deep emotions and please understand that the love I have for each one of you and God is something that even I can't express.
See you on Saturday the 30th,